Overheard

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Jacob:  I love you mama.  You're a good boy.  (giggles) 

Me:  What the heck is that?  Seriously, our whole house is falling apart.  I don't even know how that can happen.  (After seeing a screw rising out of the perfectly smooth finish of our desk.) 

How do you even fix that?

Frank:  My lawn owns all these other lawns.


Jacob:  No work, mama.  Hold you.  (reapat at least 10x)


Me:  The cat was looking at me funny before we left the house, slinking around like she threw up somewhere and is waiting for me to find it.
Frank:  That's nuts.
After returning home, I found cat barf on the throw rug in the hall. 


Me:  (At WalMart, realizing that I'm completely blocking this lady's access to the grapes)  Oh, sorry.
Lady:  That's ok.  You were humming "The Old Rugged Cross."  I didn't mind waiting.


Frank:  (Armed with a giant jug of Round-Up) The secret is to get the dandelions before they become puffballs.


Jacob:  (Waking up from his nap and hearing the neighbors' lawn service) Daddy home!  I hear mower!  Daddy have mower!

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