*****Jacob: I love you mama. You're a good boy. (giggles)
Me: What the heck is that? Seriously, our whole house is falling apart. I don't even know how that can happen. (After seeing a screw rising out of the perfectly smooth finish of our desk.)
How do you even fix that?
Frank: My lawn owns all these other lawns.
Jacob: No work, mama. Hold you. (reapat at least 10x)
Me: The cat was looking at me funny before we left the house, slinking around like she threw up somewhere and is waiting for me to find it.
Frank: That's nuts.
After returning home, I found cat barf on the throw rug in the hall.
Me: (At WalMart, realizing that I'm completely blocking this lady's access to the grapes) Oh, sorry.
Lady: That's ok. You were humming "The Old Rugged Cross." I didn't mind waiting.
Frank: (Armed with a giant jug of Round-Up) The secret is to get the dandelions before they become puffballs.
Jacob: (Waking up from his nap and hearing the neighbors' lawn service) Daddy home! I hear mower! Daddy have mower!